Silly pagan, Easter is for Christians!

We all know that Easter is a pagan holiday. However, did you know that Easter actually has Christian roots? This is what Cadbury and bunny farmers don’t want you to know. Once you hear the facts, you, as a good pagan, will surely no longer wish to celebrate this Christian holiday.

Every Easter Sunday, pagans gather at sunrise to worship Ishtar and Ra, but did you know that some so-called pagans used to commemorate the pre-sunrise resurrection of Christ or the symbolic light of salvation coming into the world at services like these?

Aside from Santa Claus, we pagans venerate the sacred Easter bunny above all other things. What George Bush doesn’t want you to know is that some children used to hunt for Easter eggs without worshipping our beloved goddesses of spring or observing pagan fertility rites. Shockingly, it seems that eggs and bunnies were not the original focus of Resurrection Sunday.

Finally, like Christians, many pagans enjoy eating candy on Easter. Did you know a few pagans eat candy AND celebrate what they call the most important event in the history of mankind? I’m not so sure these people are pagans at all.

In conclusion, despite early pagan attempts to “paganize” Resurrection Sunday with sunrise services, eggs, bunnies and candy, the Christian roots remain intact. All pagans must band together and boycott this holiday due to its Christian roots.